It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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