you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
