She announced her abortion via fbk
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My breasts were aching with rage.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
