yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
