you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
