i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Found the puke drawer
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize