We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
