I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
