I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
