Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
