I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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