Just cropdusted the office
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
