guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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