sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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