You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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