My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
