i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
