Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
