i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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