While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
