i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize