so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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