We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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