He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
