Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
