i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Girls should come with a carfax report
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
