oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
