proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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