quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
