On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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