True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
