Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So vagazzling was a success
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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