I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
