She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
