Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
