I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
