she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
this hospital has no fireball
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
