so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
