Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
smell my finger.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
