Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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