420 ftw
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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