all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
