ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
