I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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