4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
