It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
