Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
