I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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