i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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