The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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