I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
