this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
