Kiss
Puke
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
