i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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