If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
