so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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