Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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