smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
