it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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