I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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