also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
