The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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