I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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