trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
