His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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