please come you make the beer taste better
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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