I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
